My internal clock. Or, perhaps my persistent restlessness tells me daybreak is fast approaching and I must hurry to capture the essence of what I seek in pre-dawn morning.
Strange, I ponder as I search for my left Nike, how one's mind can selfishly ignore it's own body to cater to it's own needs. My hunger pangs like a migraine and my muscles are so tight they threaten to snap with every movement. Yet my mind adamantly directs me onward, ignoring all physical distress signals, apparently fully depleted of the benefits from yesterday's exercise and demanding to recycle and purge a whole new set of thoughts and anxieties.
The fresh air never fails to startle me, so alarmingly invigorating. My first few steps are always with hesitation, recognizing they will get easier and more fluid with each forthcoming step. The motions are clearly stiff and forced as my body sends distress signals that it is not adequately prepared for the immediate task at hand. Nevertheless, I continue onward, as my stubborn mind will dictate the course of events this morning. It is precisedly at this moment that the underlying theme of running is clearly validated: Sanity, not vanity!
As I turn the first long corner, my mind acknowledges and rises to the challenge of the run. The confrontation is not so much man versus territory, but rather mind versus body. My mind must conquer my body's ailing signals in order to prevail in its mission of purging the mind, fully recognizing the payback for this abuse will be substantial. Because deep down inside, with my internal dialogue of denial, I know I am not a distance runner and the next forty-five minutes promise to be pure physical torture. Nevertheless, I focus on each Nike, step by step, never allowing myself to be overwhelmed by the overall magnitude of the challenge.
There's a miraculous, nearly spiritual feeling I experience on tranquil mornings like this; Here, just as the day's first glimmer of light teases this sleepy city. Now, and only now, I feel an integral part of a larger thing --at one with my world and it's surroundings. There's a common bond --a certain death that we share. But it's a positive death, for on these early mornings we will experience a death and rebirth. It is an awakening, a purging of sorts with the promise of a new start. Essentially, it is a death before life, not after.
An intense focus is necessary in this early stage of the run as it truly is both a physical & mental challenge initially. Miraculously though, at some undefinable stage, all my efforts gradually grow easier and flow more naturally. The breathing channels open, the stiffness disappears, and everything becomes nearly effortless. Similar to a high performance car operating at a dangerous RPM level, the machinery starts to purr as it shifts into a higher gear. Oddly, this turning point does not occur gradually, but instantaneously without advance notice. A smile, so subtle and undeniable, never ceases to occur at this moment. For even though I may be along only one-tenth of the total trek, the battle is over and I'm now simply claiming territory. Synergy now exists, mind & body are in sync, and we now have a common goal to conquer the distance.
All my senses become sharper and more aware: The air is crisper; Nature's beautiful colors more vivid; and the various sounds of my surroundings more distinguishable. Total harmony with the environment is achieved, which ultimately delivers total peace of mind. The emotional baggage I brought with me has been purged once again and I am free to fully enjoy my surroundings. As I corner the final bend of my run with the finish line now in sight, I break into a near sprint with total absence of pain.
This sense of euphoria reached upon completion rivals the effect of any controlled substance. Despite the physiological debate, Iwould argue this elated state is a result of accomplishment. A mastery of mind over body. After all, success within one's self is to claim victory or ownership over self.
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