First Post!

We all know the saying “the only thing certain in life is death & taxes”.  The taxes become automatic once we enter the working world, so we ultimately acquiesce to this necessary evil (well, ok, not all of us).  But at what point in our life do we truly acknowledge the reality of death…our death?!

I imagine if you live in a war-torn region like Iraq or Pakistan, death is a sobering reality of everyday life as you are surrounded by horrific images.  But, if you live in the more peaceful Western world, at what point do we take stock of our own mortality?

Perhaps it’s when a loved one passes such as a grandparent, or even a parent or close relative from a previous generation like an aunt or uncle.  But does this really pierce thru our sense of invincibility? 

I would argue we confront our own mortality when either we personally face a terminal illness or catastrophic injury or we witness our own peer group rapidly deteriorating.  The former is pretty obvious, if we’re faced with a health risk granting us less than 6 months of life left or a near death experience.  It forces us to reflect on our lives and mortality, perhaps even act upon a “bucket list” like Jack Nicholson did in the movie.

The latter is less obvious, seeping into our subconscious.  This occurs when someone we identify with as a peer with regards to age & health succumbs to illness and/or death.  It can be a sibling, an old classmate, a bridge partner –anyone viewed as generationally equal.  If can even be a peer group, like when we attend a 20 or 30 year high school class reunion and are horrified to see how our classmates are aging.  It immediately causes self-reflection and inner thoughts such as “Good Lord, look how they’ve aged.  Thank God I don’t look like that…or do I?”

Naturally, if you see these peers on a frequent basis, you don’t notice the subtle changes of age.  But you certainly recognize the advancement of age and slowing of motion if there are significant gaps in time.  I recall returning to an old fitness center I hadn’t been to in years and seeing the same familiar faces.  As wonderful as it was to see them, I couldn’t help noticing how they aged, how most had endured major injuries and/or now had battle scars from surgeries.  Acknowledging that I’ve had my fair share of injuries, I realized none of us are invincible and we all are collectively aging.  Without exception, when I’d see a friend limping along and ask what happened, they’d shrug “just getting old.”  As the music group The Flaming Lips sing in their hit single “Do you realize –that everyone you know someday will die.”  Depressing, but real, lyrics.

So if we all know we will all die, why do we deny our own mortality?  Are there any societies that confront death in a 'better' way? I hear that the inevitabilities of life and death are met with more equanimity in Europe or Canada or in Third World countries.  Yes, there is something inspiring about the sunny, Pollyannaish optimism of the American people (especially in CA) -- the desire to be young, fit and strong forever is a very powerful message.  Yet this can be naïve and terribly misguided.  Youth is greatly rewarded in our culture, to the detriment of not placing proper value on wisdom and experience.  As I wrote earlier, Beauty Is A Currency, and we often see youth & beauty disproportionately rewarded.  I’m as guilty as anyone in chasing superficiality, but I often wish we as a society were more open about aging, sickness and death. That we realize that there is something to cherish and celebrate in this phase of life instead of just fear and loath. That no matter how many push-ups we do or pounds we lose or Botox shots we get, someday we all inevitably face our mortality. Why not face it in a positive, affirmative way…a natural, albeit naturally reluctant, acceptance in this journey called life?

Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that we can never fully prepare for our own death as it’s not something any of us are adequately equipped to manage.  There are no self-help books in this area like there may be for parenting or learning a new language. Why dwell on mortality when we really can’t do anything about it (aside from financial planning, advanced directives, etc).  Still, as I see more and more of my generation --peers, friends, colleagues-- get sick and/or aging not so gracefully, and as I start to enter a different phase of life, I start to observe that a little thought, comfort and equanimity about our mortality can go a long way.

We cannot hope to die peacefully if our lives have been full of violence, or if our minds have mostly been agitated by emotions like anger, attachment, or fear. So if we wish to die well, we must learn how to live well: Hoping for a peaceful death, we must cultivate peace in our mind, and in our way of life.
             ~The Dalai Lama