First Post!

Gender Bender...Gender Lines Blur

OK, allow me to preface this blog with a caveat.  I am a modern, yet traditional, single guy that still believes in chivalry.  A world where a gentleman should still open car doors, and a lady should not be offended by this action.  This blog is not intended to make any sexist statements, but rather just a humble observation of the dating world today.

My first reality check of the blurring of gender lines occurred years ago on a dinner date.  We pulled into the restaurant and I immediately jumped out to circle around my car to open the door of my very elegantly dressed date.  As I confidently opened her door, I was met with an icy glare and even colder words.  “What, do you think I’m too helpless to get my own door?”  Stunned, I replied absolutely not, explaining I was simply trying to be courteous.  She adamantly stated she was fully capable to get her own door and I vividly remember her grabbing the door to fully exhibit her capability in (slamming!) closing the door.

Over dinner, I recall thinking maybe she was right.  Why was I always the soft, wimpy gentleman.  Nice guys finish last, right?  Gals love the bad boys with an attitude.  Why didn’t I just say “You wanna get out?  Handle’s right over there babe.  See ya in the restaurant.”   But then I thought, maybe this is her issue.  Maybe she doesn’t know how to act like like a lady, how to be treated like a lady.  I vacillated back ‘n forth with these two theories, only to wrestle with now how to pay the bill.  Would she be offended if I picked up the tab?  Do I offer to go Dutch? The reality was that she asked me out on this first date…shouldn’t she pay the bill? I was truly confused and the waiter didn’t help matters by perfectly placing the bill right in the middle of the table.   Surely it was my imagination, but I could've sworn I saw a smirk on the waiter's face.  My mind was racing as I was pretending to hear whatever story she was rambling on, fixated on the leather AMEX folder sitting squarely between us.  Naturally, she seemed oblivious to it, but at the moment it felt like the 800 lb. gorilla in the room and I simply could not focus on any other matter.  So….I just let it sit there.  After about 5 grueling minutes, I reached for it and simultaneously grabbed my wallet.  Without hesitation, she said we’re splitting the bill.   New dilemma!  Do I politely refuse and just drop my VISA into the folder or will this doubly offend her.  Will I insult her even more by agreeing to go Dutch?  Come to think of it, she actually asked me out…why isn’t she picking up the whole tab?

Ahhh…these are the joys of dating.  But this scenario also illustrates how the traditional gender roles have blurred where often we don’t know how to act properly on a date.  Often, these days, the gal asks the guy out and is even the breadwinner.  Should the same traditional roles still apply or should the gal now pay?  Who calls who after a successful first date?  Should I expect to receive roses at my office?  What are the dating rules in this new millennium...would somebody please write a book???

In the corporate world, where the glass ceiling is shattered (or at least shows significant cracks), it’s not atypical to see a fiery, Type A female Exec/Manager balanced by a sensitive, soft-spoken male counterpart.  Who runs the meeting if they are peers? Does it matter?  Should we be blind to gender in both the workplace and the dating scene?

In the political world, Hillary supporters would accuse the “old boys network” of ganging up on her.  Now, Sarah Palin employs the same argument and Joe Biden will walk on eggshells in the VP debate or risk being too aggressive towards a lady. Can he verbally attack her in the debates and still look gentlemanly?  Conversely, can she go on the offensive without looking like a rabid pitbull?

The socially acceptable answer is to always maintain respect and humanity.  But, there is growing confusion on just what is correct behavior as these gender lines blur in all areas of our lives.  Perhaps it’s always simply up to the couple –whether it’s two VP’s vigorously debating or simply an innocent first date --allow the couple to establish the boundaries.  One will assert themselves and the other will respond accordingly.  They will verbally spar and this becomes the new ground rules and boundaries for this particular couple.  They will reach a consensus and now be able to take their relationship to the next level.

That may work privately for a new couple, but how does society respond to a couple sparring in the public eye?  On TV, in the movies, or in a debate, who will be the judge? The audience.  The very same people who are all now recreating the rules in their private lives will ultimately judge the proper gender roles played out publicly. 

So, we should all ask ourselves...In this new dance…who leads?